So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
there is glitter all over my balls
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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