Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize