at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
