Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
