It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
