I'm eating all of the evidence.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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