you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
