Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
