You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
