marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
