I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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