I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
