Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
