I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
