I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I want a musical about memes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
