New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
