2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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