i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
