i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
