I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
