"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
