in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
