Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
