just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Boobs are out for the taking
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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