Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
