I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
