we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
