i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He keeps bees of course he's weird
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
