I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
so much tequila, so little girl.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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