So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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