You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's shark week go big or go home
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm too high and old for this...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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