So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently you make a good broom.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
