The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
