Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
