I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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