dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
