He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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