He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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