I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
