the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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