Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
