I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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