using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
