so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
