There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
