So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize