I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize