so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
