Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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