He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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