I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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