The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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