Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
