He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
