i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
