The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
