Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
