my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
