Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
