her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
