Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize