Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
