Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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