haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
