Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
