The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
